He was the one I loved. Correction-He is the only one I love. Even though I still love him I can't stand to hear his voice. If it blares through the speakers I shut it off and sob. His voice no longer brings the warm fuzzy feelings girls get being around the one they love. All it brings now it heartache. "How could someone hate a person so much yet still love them??" You may ask. The truth is...I have been searching for an answer to that question for 3years now and still have no idea. My rockstar Ex seamed to never stop popping up. Whether on TRL,magazine covers,or HECK half of the flipping RADIO STATIONS!! It didn't help when I heard his 2brothers' voices either. They had been forced to not talk to me or they would face the rath of their brother. Those two boys were like my brothers. It broke my heart into even more pieces when they didn't call,didn't email,or didn't IM. My heart ached every day because of the crap all that had caused.
"When you look me in the eyes!! And tell me-" I punched the off button to my stereo.
"Leave me the heck alone!!! I am tired of it!!" I screamed as if he could hear me. Figured it out yet? You are bound to have figured out part of it. Yes,I dated a Jonas Brother. Ephasis on DATED. Which one??? Well the comedian of course. A guy who could make my laugh me heart out could also rip my heart out. Ding! Ding! Ding!! We have a winner!! You guessed it. Joe Jonas. Trust me I was surprised as you are when he asked me out.
*Flashback*
"Ally,I know we have been friends forever and that me being on tour might not help and that this may ruin our friendship but I just want to know. I have to know. Because it has been eating at me for years now and I want you to know and I really hope-" I cut him off.
"Your rambling,Joe" I said giggling. He pause for a moment to recompose himself.
"Ally,I love you and I wanted you to know that. If you don't feel the same way that is fine,but I have to ask one thing before you tell me whether or not you feel the same way." Joe whispered. I nodded indicating that I wanted him to go on. "Will you go out with me???" he asked in a boyish tone.
"Of course I will,Joey!!!" I said giggling. He leaned in and kissed me softly. I felt him smiling into it causing me to smile too.
"Forever." Joe whispered pushing a strand of hair out of my face.
*End Flashback*
So much for "forever". Now all that was left was me,my toughts,and razor blades. I watched as blood fell silently from my wrist to the floor of my tub. Cold water ran over my head as I slid the sharp blade across mr wrists. It stung,but if I didn't my life would be worse. Having to deal with all that pain with no way to let it out...I would probably go off the deep end.
Three years ago today. Yet I am still hurting. Do you see what he did to me?? It has been 3 years!!!!! You think I would have gotten over it. But nope!!! Smart ol' Joe figured out a way to make me hurt for years. Want to know how?? He left without even saying goodbye.
*Flashback*
"Why won't Joe answer his flipping phone?!" I screamed in frustration.
"He is probably just busy!" my sister,Sarah,comforted. My phone started ringing minutes after. I perked up to see the caller ID as NiCk!!
"Hello??" I said anxiously.
"Ally? Joe...Well...He wants to break up." Nick said sadly. My heart shattered.
"W-What??--W-W-Why???" I said my voice craking. It felt as if the life was being sucked out of me.
"I honestly have no idea. He just told me to call you and tell you. I think it is becuase of...Marcus." Nick said quietly.
"How many times do I have to tell you!!!????!!!!! Marcus is just a friend!!! I never got on him about Demi!!! Why didn't he tell me himself???!!!! That little-" Nick interrupted me.
"We are in California,Ally.We left on tour a while a go. You didn't know??" Nick said confused.
"NO!!!!! Your stupid *CENSORED* brother didn't tell me!!!" I screamed.
"Well not that I am trying to make the news worse or anything but...I can't talk to you anymore after this. Joe won't let me." Nick said his voice low and sad. I burst into tears.
"Ok. Let Joe do what he wants to do." I said sternly trying to keep my voice from shaking. Tears rolled silently down my cheeks.
"Okay whatever you say. I love you as a sister you know that right???" Nick asked.
"Of course. And I love you and Kevin like a brother. Tell him I said goodbye. Listen Nick I really have to go." I said quietly.
"Okay. Have a good life I guess." Nick said awkwardly.
"Good luck with the tour. Goodbye Nicky. Tell Kevy I said goodbye too." I said choking up. Apperantly Nick could tell.
"Be strong sweetheart. Bye Allerz." Nick said choking up also. There was a click and I knew my last call to a Jonas was over. I burst into violent sobs. I ran to the bathroom and got sick. Sarah held my hair back with one hand while rubbing my back with the other. Soon I sat up and wiped my mouth off on a warm,damp cloth Sarah had provided. She also haded me another one dampend wih cold water. I wiped the sweat off my face and ran to my bedroom. I fell onto the bed and sobbed somemore.
"What did he say?" Sarah asked even though she knew the answer.
"It's over." was all I could say before I passed out of emotional trauma.
*End Flashback*
You know where I found myself the next morning?? In the hospital. For some random reason. You see what he did to me? He put me in the FREAKING HOSPITAL PEOPLE!! Three years ago today. I sat in my tub sobbing as I remembered all the fights...trips....awkward moments...and the ever famous random make-out scene. My phone vibrated on the floor below the tub. I picked it up without even looking and the caller ID. I knew who it was. The only person who witnessed that terrible day. The person who I made her vow not to tell ANYONE the whole thing. Joe and I broke up and that was that. No questions asked or answered.
"Hey. How are you?" Sarah asked in a very concerned tone.
"I don't know? How would you feel if 3years ago your heart was ripped out,cut it half,and have only half put back in??!! How would you feel if you have been trying to get the half back but always failed? How would you feel if you were haunted by the best moments of your life??? How would you feel if every day you held a gun to your head wondering what to do next??? I feel that way now! And you know what? I give up." I said and hung up the phone. I pulled the pistol to my head,closed my eyes.and pulled the trigure.
So what do you think??? Comments anyone??? They make my day!!
-Faitherz
