This one's for Heather!
There's me,
Looking down at my shoes
The one smiling like the sun
That's you
What were you thinking
What was the song inside your head
I thought back to the day I met him. The first time he flashed that beautiful smile my way. I was working at the local day care center on a rainy Wednesday afternoon. I had become attached to a seven year old boy named Frankie, who had just started there the day before. It would take most kids a couple of weeks to get adjusted, but not this little one. He had enough energy in that little body to light and heat the earth.
It was about fifteen minutes before closing and I was dreading the time I would have to rush through that pouring rain to my car and drive through this horrible weather, but the fact that I would have to leave all of these adorable kids made it worse.
I heard the bell at the door ring and sat on the couch, Frankie in my lap, waiting for the parent of another child to scoop them up and take them home. Much to my surprise, a handsome, curly haired guy walked in, and the pressure on my lap was released as Frankie jumped up and ran to him, wrapping his arms around his legs. I stood up and walked over to Frankie and the guy, who looked too young to be Frankie’s dad.
“Oh, Frankie! Who is this?” I asked, looking down at him.
“This is my brother Kevin!” Frankie squealed.
I looked up into Kevin’s beautiful hazel eyes and gave him a soft smile. I tried to think of something to say, but I was at a loss for words. Boy, this guy was messing me up!
“See, Kevin! I told you she was pretty!” Frankie giggled, staring up at Kevin. I felt my face turn a bright red as I stared at my feet.
“Yes, Frankie, she is. I believe you now!” Kevin chuckled as he reached out to shake my hand. As my fingers brushed his, I felt the most amazing sensation I had ever experienced.
As he grabbed Frankie’s hand and walked away, I glanced down at my hand and for the first time noticed a crumpled piece of paper. I curiously unfolded it, revealing seven numbers and a small message, “Call, please! I know Frankie would like you to come and see him!”
And that was how it started.
There's us
Going on about a band
Working out how we play our hand
I lay there dreaming
Later all alone in my bed
If I were stupid
Maybe careless
So were you
I lay there on my bed, tears streaming down my face as I thought about the words that had ripped my heart in half. I turned my head towards the side of my bed and my gaze fell on the picture of us in a frame from our six month anniversary. I grasped it in my hands and studied the smiles on our faces, now being blotted by salty drops of water. Why couldn’t we be like that again? I took the picture and chucked it at the wall in front of me, watching it collide with my white walls and shatter to a million pieces, the picture sliding down to the ground.
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
“I don’t care, Kevin, I am not going to that stupid thing with those moronic friends of yours!” I yelled at Kevin as he ran his fingers angrily through his hair. I was so sick of hanging out with them! They were so stupid and mean, which was weird, because Kevin was the exact opposite.
“Heather, seriously! Do you EVER think about anyone but yourself? You are so self-centered it makes me sick!” He spat back at me. I had no idea what had gotten into him lately!
“What is wrong with you? Why are you acting so different lately? What happened to the Kevin I LOVE?” I asked, tears filling my eyes. I didn’t wait for an answer, but ran for the door and slammed it behind me, running to my car. I sat there for five minutes, waiting for him to come after me. He didn’t.
I guess this really was the end. I had no idea what his problem was, but I had always trusted him and shared things with him, and yet he did not trust me back. I quickly drove back to my home, almost getting in accidents along the way, as the uncontrollable tears blurred my vision.
I stumbled up the stairs to my room, and that is where I have been ever since, trying desperately to wash away my memories of him, but to no avail.
Freeze frame
I'm not about to cry
It's too late for us to change
Why try
I've got a camera
Tucked away inside my heart
If i'm a loser
Or just unlucky
So are you
I quickly wiped away my tears as I felt my eyelids begin to droop. I did not want to waste my time on this. I was sick of the tears I shed constantly for him. I was done crying. I pulled the covers over my head and fell into a deep sleep.
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
I dreamt that Kevin was sitting on the edge of a cliff, looking over the edge, tears streaming down his face. I walked over and sat next to him, turning his head to face mine.
“Kev, baby, what is wrong?” I asked wiping the tears away.
“He’s gone! He went over the edge, and I could have helped him. I could have seen the signs! Now he’s gone! He’s gone and I could’ve stopped it!” He sobbed into my shoulder.
“Who’s gone? Kevin, talk to me.” I said, worry in my voice.
“He’s gone! He’s gone!” Kevin said, not answering my question.
“Kevin! Who is gone? WHO?” I begged him to tell me, but he wouldn’t answer.
Somewhere between then and now
I looked away
When you said we will never change
And if you think what might have been
You'll lose today
And we've got songs to play
Somewhere in the middle of my dream another scene appeared. I could see nothing, but I felt Kevin’s arms around wrap around me, and I heard one word whipered in my ear, “Nick.”
Suddenly I was back to the first dream, sitting on the edge of a cliff with Kevin once again.
“Is it Nick? Kevin, is Nick gone?” I asked, hoping his answer was no.
He still would not answer me, and the waterworks began as I thought of what could have happened to Nick. I yelled for Kevin, begging him to tell me. He just gazed forward, eyes bloodshot, no longer acknowledging my presence. I screamed and reached for him, but suddenly he began moving away. I tried grabbing him, but he kept getting farther and farther.
All of a sudden, I awoke with a start and realized that tears were really falling down my face. I looked down and found two arms wrapped around me, arms that I would recognize anywhere, and looked up to find Kevin holding me. He was fast asleep, and his eyes were red and puffy. I moved to face him, waking him up, and he looked at me, sorrow in his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” I said, trying not to give in.
“I just – I just can’t live without you.” He cried, salty drops falling from his eyes.
“What makes you think that is going to work this time?” I asked sincerely, for I had heard that at least four times in the last two weeks.
“I’m sorry, okay. It’s time for me to tell you. I can’t hold it in anymore. I can’t keep hurting you by bottling my feelings up!” he cried, his tears now soaking my shirt.
“What? What is wrong? Is it…Nick?” I asked, fearing that something had happened to him.
“He – He has… He has diabetes.” He whispered, burying his face in my shoulder.
I didn’t know what to do. How long had he been going through this? Why hadn’t he told me? I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed his back until he was finally ready to look me in the eyes.
“How long? Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve been there for you! I could’ve been there for him.” Everything I was thinking tumbled out of my mouth.
“We found out a month ago. I just couldn’t face the reality of it. If I didn’t tell you, it would be like it was a dream. But I can’t do this alone anymore! I know that he is healthier now, and he can deal with it, but it just kills me to imagine the pain he is going through. He is my little brother. I am supposed to protect him!” The words just poured nonstop out of his mouth, just as the tears were out of his eyes.
“Oh honey, it’s okay. It is going to be alright. Nick is strong. We can get through this. They will find a cure, and until then, we will just be there for Nick, okay?” I said, wiping the tears off his face with my sleeve and rubbing his back.
“Ok-okay” He sighed as we laid back down on my bed and held each other.
He quickly fell asleep and I just looked up and studied his face. For the first time in a month, he looked at peace. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
I laid my head on his chest and drifted off to sleep, finally at peace myself.
Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us
