I know how it feels
To wake up without her
Lying here all alone
Just thinking about her
“Too…early,” Nick groaned miserably as he rolled over in his bed, slapping his snooze button. Sleep was hard to come by on the road and the if he could sneak a few extra minutes of rest in, he had no problem taking advantage of the time. There were very few things he wanted in life more than a good night’s sleep, but one of those things was her.
A picture of her face formed clearly in his mind and he knew that that one thought—that one glimpse of her olive skin, decorated by a few freckles on each cheek—and he knew he wouldn’t be falling back asleep. He fumbled around his bed sheets, forgetting where he had placed his phone. He ran his fingers over the screen as if that would make a text message or missed call notification appear, but to his dismay, the screen remained blank. He hadn’t heard from her in months, what would have made today different? She was gone for good and it was no one’s fault but his.
Neither Nick nor Alexa’s schedule had ever been conducive to a relationship, but they had managed to make it work for over a year. He, a rock star on the rise to super stardom, and she, a shining starlet in box office hit after hit, the time they had spent together was a fraction of the time they spent apart. She never complained if a day went by if he didn’t call and he understood if his text went unanswered for hours upon hours. Their love was stronger than the distance that kept them apart. No matter how many teen heart throb’s approached her, she only cared about one. For Nick, however, things were not so easy. A trip to Europe, two months away from her, and his God-given spontaneity combined into a formula for disaster. But now, Alexa was just where his Parisian fling was—in his past, never to be heard from again. There was nothing he regretted more than a meaningless kiss he shared with a girl he had known for barely an hour beneath the Eiffel Tower.
I can't believe
Her hold on me
It's something indescribable
I know she knows
But won't you please
It had been months since she had uttered the words that Nick replayed in his mind thousands of times each day. “I never want to see you again. I hate you.” No matter how many times he had tried to explain or redeem himself, she shot him down with a tearful retort. He knew he didn’t deserve her, let alone her forgiveness, but he had prayed that something within her would make her feel compelled to realize that he could never feel remorse like the insurmountable guilt he felt for betraying her.
He had tried everything to win her back. Countless phone calls, text messages, letters, e-mails—all of which went unanswered. He had sent her roses, mixed tapes, and other peace offerings, but each gift had somehow made its way back to the return address. When blatant attempts at winning her back failed, he tried subtlety. He hinted at his feelings in every interview and made sure to dedicate at least one song per performance to her with a wink, knowing full well that she’d never think twice about it. He knew that she knew he was still head over heels for her, but no matter what he did, she didn’t seem to care.
“Again?” Joe asked as he plopped on the tour bus’ couch in front of the television. “It’s a good movie, Nick. But really—seven times in two days? I think that’s a bit much, no?”
Joe ripped the remote from Nick’s grasp and shut the television off. The closest Nick could get to being with Alexa was seeing her on his TV screen—and fortunately yet unfortunately for him, she was everywhere. She was on the cover of nearly every “tween” magazine, usually only inches away from Nick’s own photograph. Her movies were all on heavy rotation on every major film channel. If he ever wanted to see her, she wasn’t hard to find. And if Alexa was nowhere tangible, she was always in his heart.
If you see my girl
Just tell her I miss her smile
Tell her I'm counting the minutes
Gonna see her in a little while
I know when she
Holds on to me
She's the one thing that I could never live without
Oh, oh, oh, oh
And tell her I love her
“So where are my choices?” Alexa asked, excitedly browsing through each dress as it hung loosely on a rack in her stylist’s New York boutique.
“You have three days to pick a dress, Lex. Calm down,” her manager, Pete said impatiently. Watching a teenage girl try to pick a designer dress for an awards show was not one of his favorite parts of the job.
“Do you know Lex at all?” her older sister Kendra asked. “It’ll take her three days just to decide whether or not she likes the first one enough to try move on to the second one.”
Alexa gawked at each dress, stars dazzling in her eyes upon surveying each one. She had been in the entertainment business since was three and attended her first awards show at age seven. This was nothing new to her, but as a girl, the glamour of dressing up never lost its appeal.
“This one,” she said as she slowly removed a floor-length Kelly green dress that flowed even in response to the slightest movement, “is perfect. Let me try it on.”
Minutes later, she emerged from behind a white curtain and the mouths of every person in the room dropped to the floor. Alexa possessed a natural beauty that few other celebrities did, so her good looks were only accentuated by the dress. She twirled around the room, spinning in circles and dancing on air. The dress was made for her and everyone in the room knew it.
“Why do I have to do it?” Joe groaned into his cell phone.
“Do you want me to list the reasons? Let’s see. First off, I’ve tried. Second, you’re the one in New York. You’re the one that’s going to see her. Just do me this one favor, Joe. Please?” Nick pleaded.
“Fine, but you owe me,” his brother replied, half joking.
Joe pushed opened the door to the Jonas Brothers’ stylist’s private boutique. The team of fashion experts that had been tending to Alexa rushed to his side, ready to show him the look they had picked out for him.
“Joe?” she called, barely recognizing him behind the bangs that shielded his eyes.
“Hey, Lex,” he said as someone took his measurements.
“Uh, how are you?” she asked in a feeble attempt at small talk.
“Nick told me to tell you that he loves you and he can’t wait to see you Saturday,” Joe blurted. He was never one to deal with the pressure of an awkward situation well.
Alexa’s face went white and her half smile turned into a grimace. It had taken her a long time to push Nick out of her mind and she the last thing she needed was even the slightest mentioning of him name, let alone the bomb Joe had just dropped on her. Refusing to let Joe see the tears in her eyes that were screaming to be released, she turned and ran out of the back exit of the boutique, not even bothering to change out of the dress.
The way that she moves
You know what it does to me
And when I catch her eye
I can hardly breathe
Still can't believe
Her hold on me
She's just so indescribable
I know she knows
But won't you please, please
Nick was the last one to exit the black SUV after it pulled up to the Red Carpet entrance. He adjusted his jacket and slipped his sunglasses over the bridge of his nose. With a deep breath, he joined his brothers as they waited patiently for him. They could sense his nervousness from a mile away, so Kevin gave him a reassuring pat on the back and Joe nodded in encouragement. If he crashed and burned tonight, at least he’d have the support of his brothers waiting for him.
It was clear that his head was elsewhere as he strutted down the carpet. The steely glare he usually put forth as he posed for pictures was replaced with a look of sheer terror. His quick witted responses to news correspondents were lacking; “yes” and “no” answers were all he could produce. Most obvious, however, was that at any given point during his stroll into the amphitheater, his eyes were wandering the red carpet in search of Alexa. When the cameras all diverted their attention from the Jonas Brothers to the most recent arrival and the paparazzi shouted more questions than any one person could comprehend at a time, he knew she was there. When she came into his line of vision, his heart nearly stopped before beating so quickly it could have surely jumped out of his chest. His eyes darted to the ground, but he couldn’t turn away for long. The way the green dress fit her every curve just right; the way her hair was pinned up, with just a few curls dangling to accentuate her soft facial features. If it were possible, she looked more radiant than ever. At the same time, she was more unattainable than ever. She walked arm in arm with a boy Nick had never seen before, a boy he didn’t care to know.
Every few seconds, he’d look at her, half hoping their eyes would lock. He wanted her to know he was there, to be forced to think of him. It didn’t take long for her to actually see him and when her eyes met his, Nick thought he would die. It was for a brief moment, maybe only a second or two. It went unacknowledged and they took their respective seats for the show, she only a few rows ahead of him—close enough to be a distraction. He barely noticed his band’s name when it was called for “Song of the Year” and had Joe not nudged his arm, he probably would not have been there to accept the award.
“First, we’d like to thank the God for giving us this opportunity,” Kevin began the band’s acceptance speech.
“We’d like to thank our parents, our friends, and everyone who has helped us get to where we are—especially our fans. Without you guys, we would be nowhere,” Joe added. He stepped aside, making room for Nick at the microphone.
“Yeah,” the youngest member of the band said. “Thanks.”
The audience began a slow clap, none of its members truly knowing if the speech was done. The three brothers exited the stage quickly and the silence backstage was all but comfortable.
“I’m sorry, guys. If I said anything else, I would’ve embarrassed myself,” Nick apologized.
“As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough? Will you just go talk to her?” Joe suggested, merely out of frustration.
Every time that I'm around her
I just go to pieces crashing tumbling to the ground
I'm so glad I found her
I know how it feels
When the show ended, the mass of people that exited the theater was beyond anything Nick had ever seen. He knew that there was no way he would be able to see her, let alone catch up to her, in the sea of celebrities, newscasters, and paparazzi. He hung back for few minutes, praying that as the crowd died down, Alexa would appear out of thin air. When the mob was completely gone, Nick remained. However, he wasn’t alone. In the distance, a girl stood, twirling a ringlet of hair in her fingers. She appeared to desire invisibility, yet it was obvious she was waiting for a reason—waiting to be seen. No matter what she wanted, her green dress gave her away.
He tried not to stare, but Alexa had an air about her. No matter how hard she tried to hide, she was the center of attention. Whether or not she really was the only other person in a room, she always seemed to be the only one people saw. Before he knew it, his feet were carrying him in her direction. He tried to stop himself, but something within him compelled him to keep moving, regardless of the rejection he knew was to come.
“Lex?” he whispered, tapping her on the shoulder.
She whipped her head around. Even though she knew that the voice belonged to Nick, a sense of shock took hold of her body.
“H-hey,” she replied, trying to keep calm.
“Look, I don’t want to make small talk. It’s not worth it, Lex. I’ve done everything I could think of to try to get you back. I don’t know what you want me to do. Just please, tell me and I’ll do it,” he begged.
“It’s not that simple, Nick. You don’t get it,” Alexa replied, shutting her eyes tight, trying to block out what was going on.
“Then tell me. I want to understand.” Nick grabbed her hand, almost forcing her to move closer to him.
She showed no resistance and moved closer to him, the gap between them only inches. She could feel his breath on her neck and the chills that ran down her spine made her remember what Nick did to her.
“I’m sorry, Lex,” he whispered. “I really am. I never meant to hurt you but I—.”
Alexa cut him off by holding a finger to Nick’s lips. Her eyes wandered to the floor before her lips found his. She caught him off guard with a brief, sweet kiss, but he showed no signs of opposition.
“Just please, don’t hurt me again,” she said, smiling into his lips.
“I would never, Lex. I love you,” Nick replied.
Oh yeah, just tell her I love her.
