I smile, you laugh, I look away
I sigh, you ask me why, I say
It's ok and I'm just feeling down
Your hand on mine I hear the words
If only love had found us first
Our lives they would be different, oh...
I took a deep breath before entering the small coffee shop that was located down the road from tonight’s hotel. My heart was pounding beneath my chest and my palms were damp. A thousand thoughts were coursing through my mind but I couldn’t stop to think any of them through. Guilt was second nature to me now, and I as I forgot about the empty feeling in my stomach my eyes locked with hers.
She was sat at the back of the shop, dressed from head to toe in black. I noticed she had already ordered herself a cup of coffee, no doubt that it was black. I moved in between the tables until I eventually found myself stood in front of her.
“I thought you’d had second thoughts.” She breathed, standing up.
“I’ve had tons of thoughts, but not one of them was to not see you.” I replied, taking her hand in mine.
We lingered for a moment, just staring into each others eyes. The sound of the shop door opened pulled us back to reality and we both snapped our heads to see who had entered. We were safe, no one we knew.
We both sat around the table, facing each other. A waitress came over to us before we could say anything else to each other. I ordered more coffee for the both of us and waited until the waitress was out of hearing distance.
“How’ve you been?”
“How are you?”
We both broke into the silence, stopping when we realised the other was speaking. I smiled at how similar we were as she broke out into laughter. I looked away from her. We were similar. We were a perfect match.
I sighed loudly and turned back to look at her beautiful face. Her wavy brown hair was cascading over her shoulders, and her green eyes were glowing at me. I couldn’t help the misery that was flowing through my veins. I wanted her to be mine so bad that it hurt. It hurt to hear her laugh, knowing I couldn’t show her off to the world.
“I know how you feel Joe, if only love had found us first,” She muttered, covering my hand with her own. “our lives would be so different.”
So I stand
And wait
I am just a man
We rarely had time alone together like this. What was normally stolen glances and hidden kisses had developed into secret meetings where we could just be ourselves. I held her hand in mine for a while before I felt the ring that she wore on her left hand. My eyes left hers as they turned to look at the gold band that signified exactly why this was wrong. She was married. Not just to some random guy, to my brother.
She pulled her hand away suddenly, noticing what I’d been staring at. She hid it underneath the table and looked away from me. I knew I’d upset by her staring so obviously, but what could I do? I was betraying so many different people just by having coffee with her.
She’d probably had to tell a few lies to get here today. She probably got away easily, no questions asked. I’d had to lie to my band, my brothers, my parents… I’d dodged paparazzi and purposely hidden myself away in sunglasses and a hat so no fans noticed me. For one person to see me here with her would destroy my whole world. It would only ruin her marriage. But I love her, so I’d do it again, I’ll always be waiting.
Where would we be now baby
If we found each other first
Where would we be now baby...
We spent three hours together in the coffee shop before deciding it would be fine to take a walk. We left the coffee shop together, holding hands. As we walked in silence I let my mind wander, pretending it was me she was married to, not Kevin.
I knew I’d be a perfect husband for her. We’d have a big house in LA that she’d have picked and I’d have funded. We’d pick our favourite colours for the rooms and we’d spend hours painting them ourselves. We’d have a large garden with a pool that was in the shape of a guitar. I’d write songs about her and play them when she was feeling stressed. When I’d go on tour she’d come with me, she’d make sure I was still eating healthily and my clothes were clean. We’d have four kids all of them with her green eyes and my dark hair. We’d name them after loved ones we’d lost and send them to the best schools. We’d grow old together, still in love. We’d die lying in each others arms.
And now I must confess
That I'm a sinking ship
And I'm anchored by the weight of my heart cause its filled with these feelings
But I keep my true thoughts locked beside my heart's black box
It won't be found, it won't survive, through the smoke or the wreckage
As the sun lost its glow and began to sink beneath the skyline it was time for us to go back. I kissed her quickly as we got into separate taxis, heading to the same destination. As I watched her drive off I felt a tear slip down my face. I wiped it away quickly and told the taxi driver my destination, ordering him to take the longest route he could.
The taxi ride lasted twenty minutes, giving me plenty of time to slip back into the familiar depression I got whenever I was alone. I thought about my future and where I was heading. I had everything and nothing all at once. I’d found love but it wasn’t mine to take. My heart was bursting with pain, love and fear. Would I make it through this? Would I last long enough for everyone to find out how I felt?
So I crash
And burn
I've got a lot of things to learn, oh...
The taxi pulled up outside of the hotel as my cell began to vibrate in my pocket. I paid the driver and pulled the phone out to see who had text me. It was her, of course. Everything was fine, no one was suspicious. I walked into the lobby of the hotel and checked back in at the front desk. I was in the elevator before more tears came pouring down my cheeks. I hit my fist against the mirrored wall and cursed as loud as I could. I needed to control this. I wiped my tears away as the elevator stopped and the doors opened.
I walked out into the hallway, passing an elderly couple, I smiled at them.
Where would we be now baby
If we found each other first
What would you do now darling
If I said these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait...
As long as you want
Where would we be now baby...
I could tell the couple were content with each other. The man helped his wife into the elevator before walking in after her. They’d both lived a lot longer than me, but had they been through this amount of hurt? Do they have secrets? I walked towards my room thinking of possible situations the couple had been in, in their lives. Was that man now estranged from his brother because he’d fallen in love with someone else’s girl?
If they could make it, why couldn’t we? All I had to do was wait. Wait until the time was right. I could do that. For every minute I got to hold her hand, kiss her, hold her in my arms… I knew she was worth waiting for.
I opened my hotel bedroom door with urgency and ran to the phone that was on a table next to my bed. I dialled in her room number and hung back up again. Kevin. I’d forgotten about him momentarily. I didn’t think it would go down too well, calling their room, him answering, me asking to speak to his wife.
I pulled my phone back out of my pocked and typed in a message.
I'll wait
I'll wait
Anyone know the song? Comments would be appreciated plzz.
